In Awe of Watermelon

You hoist a watermelon onto your shoulder like a big boombox and carry it onto a beach on a sun-drenched afternoon, and you’re bound to elicit “Ooooohhhhhs” and hollers of “Save a slice for me!” from strangers.

You carry around a couple of small, round watermelons—perhaps a sweet pair of sugar babies—and some wisecracker is guaranteed to shout, even from a car window as he whizzes by, “Nice melons!”

You lug a 20-pound oblong watermelon—all swirly green and, let’s not forget, curlicue tail—to an outdoor summer gathering, and you’re destined to have children flock to you with toothy grins on their faces. They’ll jump up and down, hands banging on a table, begging to sink their teeth into this sweet, hydrating fruit, colored in luscious red inside with bold black seeds.

Grandfathers’ and great-grandmothers’ eyes light up when they see watermelon, cut into thick triangles and stacked in jagged patterns on a colorful jumbo serving tray.

Watermelon magnetizes young and old, from fully fledged fruitarians to even the scantest of fruit eaters.

You see, watermelon knows no bounds. It’s universal. And it’s watermelon or else on a steaming summer day!

Watermelon is the commonly accessible fruit that tantalizes taste buds like no other. Might as well paint a big ol’ smiley face on a watermelon with your fingers using blackberries because this is the fruit of fruits for so many!

Watermelon, I’m sure, could stand in for a $20 bill to gain access to parties and clubs or upgraded accommodations and services. It has verve. It has power. There is something sexy, something comfortable, something nostalgic and, yes, something magical about watermelon.

Watermelon makes the perfect gift for children, who savor these orbs of pure deliciousness. Watermelon—a good one found out of season—has even be known to melt a gorgeous girl’s heart on a first date. Surely, it must be the fruit that says, “I love you.”

Finally, watermelon is immortalized in Arnold’s Way owner Arnold Kauffman‘s song “Rock And Roll,” featured on his Can’t Sing Can’t Rhyme Band record Can’t Make a Mistake. “My mouth is always watering, thinking about mouthfuls of fruity fruit of watermelon delight,” Kauffman sings before shrieking, “Send me the watermelon blues right nowww!”

Blend your watermelon or eat it whole as a monomeal, just as nature intended. Enjoy it. Savor it. It’s all yours. Or is it?